Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
