Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
