Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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