Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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