I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
