I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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