someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
