I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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