operation harelip BJ is a go
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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