doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
