Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
