Hey man sorry I got all grabby
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
