You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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