Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
