Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
