Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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