recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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