Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
