Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
