I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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