So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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