There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
How naked do you want me to be?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
