And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
