You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
