I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
