..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
