from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
