I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
