we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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