i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
