dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
