K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
