I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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