I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
