i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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