then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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