Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
