I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
