capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
