I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
