Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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