I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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