im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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