Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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