I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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