i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this will be a night to untag.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
