woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
