My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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