I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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