I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
