one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
