why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
