Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
