ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
