he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
