You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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